"Visiting Day"

Amachi Kids Club on Saturday was very meaningful. We tackled incarceration issues head on and no matter how scary it was, it seemed to be so comforting for the children. We watched a video (Reading Rainbow) that included two sections: discussion of a book and then a segment about an actual family dealing with their father’s incarceration. The book is called “Visiting Day,” about a young girl and grandmother visiting the daddy in prison and they just talk about what they are feeling and how they think the father is feeling. The pictures are great but it is a really short book. The really impactful part is the true story. We did not show the whole video because some of the images were so graphic. The father said he shot someone and there were the constant noises of slamming doors. And the sound of prison doors slamming are totally different than a bedroom door slamming. A bedroom door slamming is like a cloudy day with some mist and the feeling one gets when being around a prison door slamming is that of a hurricane. I don’t notice it now but a prison is a place that one should feel uncomfortable and it was significant to create an atmosphere at Kids Club where children felt extreme comfort Mary and Sara brought in blankets for the children to lie on. As the movie began and the Reading Rainbow song came on the kids started singing the theme song. And when I say singing I mean singing, it was like a choir. It was hilarious!!! Take a look it’s in a book, it’s reading rainbow. Come on with me people belt it out. So we watched about a twenty minute section and then got into two groups to discuss what they just saw. We had a younger group and an older group. There were five of us from Big Brothers Big Sisters who did a whole planning session to create the questions and they included the following game plan:

· When children arrive make handprint flowers
· Do Ice Breaker-“Link Up”(Rachel): One person stands and talks about themself. When someone in the group has something in common with something they’ve said, they get up and link arms with the speaking person. Only one person at a time. They declare the thing that they had in common and then begin talking about themself until someone else comes up with the something in common with them. The activity continues until all group members are “Linked Up.”
· Sara G. describes how we are all “linked up,” description of Amachi Kids Club, etc. and let children know what to do if they are uncomfortable with movie, etc.
· At 2:30/2:45pm Watch “Visiting Day.”
· Break into small groups…and use a paper plate to draw how you feel
· Reflect on the following questions: (in no particular order)
1. When a parent goes to prison what do you think changes/happens?
2. How do you think your family is similar and different to the Goodens?
3. Who from the Gooden family do you relate to most (i.e. think you are most like them)? How? Characters include-Nikki, Chris, Malik, Malcom, Holten and Irene
4. Have you ever felt like Malik? Why do you think Malik is angry?
Another thought because they stress family relationship
5. Do you think it helps that the brothers and sisters can talk about what is going on?
6. What do you think will happen to this family?
· Gather back in one group (Mary would you like to lead this?)-to have children come up and write reflections on the big sheet of paper
· Conclusion (Carly) whatever you are feeling is ok…
7. Give out flowers and snack. See you next month for break dancing.

Bails Bondsmen

So we are always thinking about different ways to recruit, children and volunteers. We especially want to know that the children who have an incarcerated parent are all being served. So brainstorming one day I realized that some families who often deal with incarceration might find themselves at the Bails Bondsmen. So one day last week I spent the day going downtown to tell the different offices about the program and provide brochures. I still have more to go to but I made a dent. It was very fascinating because I feel it takes a special person to be a Bails Bondsmen, I saw a man in a Hawaiian shirt playing video games, I saw men in suites, I saw it all. It was nice to be out of the cubicle today and be in my element for the day taking to people of all walks of life. Everyone that heard about the program was impressed with the roots of the program and how one man who had an incarcerated parent and had a mentor could have the vision to become mayor of Phili, a pastor, and create the Amachi Program for children to benefit in the same way he did.

It was a very productive day from talking to bails bondsmen, police officers, and youth workers. I love being out in the field and I know that there can be a domino effect. After people are empowered with the knowledge of what is going on in the community they can make a change.

Right # 7: I have the right not to be blamed or judged because of my parent's incarceration"

Yesterday I was able to listen to a conference call about "A Bill of Rights for Children of Incarcerated Parents." We were all able to hear people speak to what it was like to be a child of an incarcerated mother or father and this was very powerful. These individuals talked about blame, shame, judgement, and secrecy. These issues are hard enough for adults let along children. One woman Ms. Suzie Jensen spoke of her mother being arrested for larceny. She feels that today she has to "prove to people that she can be the perfect daughter/mother/wife so as to not turn into her mother." Ironically this is "what got my mother into trouble." She wanted her children to have clothes, nice things, etc. Ms. Jensen also spoke about the idea of helping youth who are affected by incarceration. She said the idea should not be "to prevent future criminals but create future leaders." Amachi the program that I work with calls this population "Children of Promise."

Marlene Sanchez spoke as well. She had her own struggles with the juvenile justice system, dealing with her father's incarceration, and now her son's father is incarcerated. One of the most powerful things she said was that "anger protected me." I see that with the children we serve sometimes.

She had to call friends and say her name was Veronika to be able to talk to them because there was stigma attached to her family and even teachers said she would end up like her parents. Marlene was in a fight and the principal told the other girl's parents that Marlene's dad was in prison. AHHHHHHH---- Could you imagine that??? She is very open about talking to her son about his father and grandfather being locked up that the son will even tell clerks in a store that his daddy is in prison. Marlene said that her anger and resentment affected her personally and politically. Marlene was the first "youth," appointed to the San Francisco Juvenile Justice Commison.

Recidivism

I have been conducting more Mentoring Children of Prisoners surveys this month. I love the interaction with the children and just observing how the children live and how excited they are to meet their “Big.” Generally I do the survey the day before the Match Introduction. They always ask, “Are you my Big Sister.” It just makes me melt!!! It is amazing how children are so excited by the presence of adults…I was doing a survey for a little girl and the younger brother didn’t want to leave to pick up plastic animals for a school project because he didn’t want to miss the excitement (I felt like excitement was already there…there are 8 people who live in one side of a duplex)

It is important to me to understand the corrections world that I see Monday mornings and the everyday realities of the families and especially our “Children of Promise.” I think they can also be viewed as “Children of Transition.” When I am just talking to the children before the survey about school and what they like to do, it is incredible to find out that the majority of children have moved within the last year. And when talking to mom or grandma I often find out that they have taken a new job or might be having challenges with health. I have noticed lately that when I ask the question about gangs the children feel way too comfortable with the concept. One child wanted to clarify with me that what if it was someone he knew but not really a friend that was in a gang.

I felt a little funny after visiting the women’s prison in March because my heart ached. While the ladies were filling out the referrals one of the inmates told me her children are already a part of the program here in Nashville. I asked the names of the children because it is important to update Match Support in regards to what is going on in the family. I got the update of my life. The woman I saw before me was the mother of three siblings that always frequent kids club. The boy is so outgoing and the two little girls were very withdrawn I know that they have dealt with so much in the past when mom was incarcerated. I can’t imagine how the children are feeling!!!

I have still been doing the prison visits and following up on referrals. I scheduled seven new Amachi children the past month or so and reengaged three Amachi children. I am hoping for more referrals this next month. Many of the referrals I have been sending to other parts of Tennessee and even Arizona.

I have immensely enjoyed the opportunity in the last two weeks to visit universities and let them know about the Vista opening for August as well as working with community partners to make sure they are aware of the Amachi program. I felt really positive about a mobile nursing unit that I talked with as well. More outreach to come. Amachi Kids Club is this weekend and there will be a teen group that is doing a skit about bullying. “A diverse group of teenage actors from various Nashville high schools, The PG-13 Players (PG stands for Peer Guidance) probe hot-button issues facing young people today. Post-performance talkback sessions, in which the performers stay in character and reconcile their actions,=provide the opportunity for discussion and reflection.” (Nashville Scene)

Dancing in the Library

So on Saturday we had a group from Vanderbilt collaborate with Amachi Kids Club. This group reflects through poetry and dancing. There mission aligns so closely with what we are doing: Rhythm & Roots is dedicated to exploring the use of the performing arts as an expression of social complexities and as a catalyst for social change. We wish to inspire, uplift and provide hope to today's youth by bringing people together through a common bond (the arts). The dance, music and energy of the students and our audience, draw us closer to a better understanding of ourselves and the world around us.
The children were able to learn some hip hop moves and also hear a beautiful poem about self esteem. You can find some images that only tell part of the story. We also decorated journals so the children could do their own reflection. Saturday was a hectic day for the performers because they had a meeting as well but we improvised before they arrived. We played musical chairs and made an Easter collage that is now hanging in our office because it is so cute! Two of the little boys were playing soccer; somehow I think the librarians were not too impressed with the banging noise on the wall. I wish we could do more activities outside that involve sports but even the children are concerned about what happens at the basketball court. One child who is involved with Big Brothers Big Sisters in the Napier area took this picture.

Daddy has 18 years...

Sandy forwarded me an email from a mother about what she was experiencing recently with her eight year old son. I read the email and called the mother and the interaction with her affected my whole week. “I’m afraid that I’m losing my eight year old son. He’s acting out in school, at home and everywhere else. He’s teacher doesn’t know why, he doesn’t understand why. His father is incarcerated and has been his whole entire life. He feels like no one loves him, and we do. He plays football and sees all the other kids fathers, step-fathers, etc…coming to see them play and it makes him cry. My son is too young for that.” The mother was so excited about the program that she emailed the child’s application the same day. I know she will be committed to the program.

Today I had a referral from the prison to call a grandmother to follow up and receive the mother’s information. It was a somewhat overwhelming call. I found out that one of the sons has a birthday in March and the father was planning to do something special with him. The children don’t know that daddy is in prison but will find out this weekend when their grandmother takes them to see him. How do you explain to a 12 and 9 year old that dad murdered someone and will miss your whole childhood? He gets out in 18 years. The grandmother was explaining that the kids are living with the mother and some of her friends in a trailer park, so on top of the perils of poverty they lost their father.

Perspective

I have done multiple visits to the prisons this month. It has still been extremely eye opening. I am finally at a point where the inmates can see what I have seen. Children are very vulnerable and their exposure to the cycle of incarceration is extreme. Last week I received a referral from an inmate at Charles Bass, so I called the mother to follow up and she said it was just not a good time. Her 19 year old son had followed the stepfather to prison a few days after her husband became incarcerated. I have only been doing this work since August and I have already seen firsthand what family’s experience. At our last staff meeting we had an Amachi theme to it. One of our mothers who has an a son in our Amachi program talked about her experiences and challenges and what it meant for her and her son to deal with a family member in prison. The phone calls were outrageously expensive. Books must be sent from a bookseller, you can not send your loved one used books. Your loved one can be moved at any time without warning. I think the average distance that an incarcerated parent lives from his or her child is two hours. The mother that spoke lost her auto insurance because it was with her husbands (who had been in the armed forces.) And it is revoked when someone is incarcerated. The mother found that the only program available for children who had an incarcerated parent was Big Brothers Big Sisters Amachi Program. During this staff meeting I realized how passionate I have become about the issues. When I have delved deep into a subject it affects the core of which I am- my soul. As I spoke and retold some of my experiences I felt my voice crack and my voice was tainted with emotion. I speak to sixty inmates weekly and I have become a very composed speaker but among my peers I became emotional and worked up.
Today there was hope…we show a DVD about the program and there are inmates and their stories showcased. The one man from the video was imprisoned at Riverbend Maximum Security Prison and was recently moved to another lower security prison where I do presentations. He will soon be on work release and than freed. I don’t know the whole history of what he did but he is a changed man. In the DVD he spoke about how his father was incarcerated when he was growing up and how he was incarcerated a lot of his son’s life and then his son followed the same path. So I saw this inmate today and asked about how his son is doing. His son was recently released and he received a grant to go to community college. So only now that they are grown men do they get a chance to be a family again.